Zardoz (1974)

3/10

Written & Directed by: John Boorman

There just aren't enough words in the english language that can help describe not only my feelings towards Zardoz, but also Zardoz itself.

As I write this review, I actually find myself struggling to come up with even one line that begins to explain what I was thinking during the film. I guess I could start with something like "Sean Connery, what were you thinking?"

The plot makes enough sense, not a great amount, but enough to get through the film. This does not mean however the film is any less ridiculous. The acting isn't dreadful, but there isn't a memorable performance in the movie, unless you include Sean Connery's Superman-like underwear. That performance was solid.

It has it's redeeming aspects. There are some stunning visuals such as some of the locations and the way the light sometimes hits the diamonds and crystals at the end are beautiful. These rare and brilliant visuals are outweighed though by the films ridiculous and unnecessary abundance of nudity. For many parts of the movie, I found that I was watching topless women with no plot significance and random and hardly covered orgies. But maybe that is your thing. Some people might want to see that.

I can't complain about the film too much. I admit I knew what I was getting into when I was I was inserting the DVD into my player. I knew I was going to watch an hour and 40 minutes of Sean Connery in a diaper. I knew I was going to see countless Wizard of Oz references (wiZARD of OZ = ZARDOZ). I knew I was going to see pointless nudity. I knew I was going be watching visuals so trippy that I would feel like I was on drugs or would at least think I should be.

Zardoz is memorable, quite possibly unforgetable. It is amazing only if you are a fan of science fiction gone wrong or if you sit there wondering "how do you go from James Bond to this?"

This film is a must see for fans of sci-fi, Sean Connery, bad movies or drug trips. For all others, avoid Zardoz like it was a pack of barely civilized savages running around in their underwear with guns, who seek sacrifices for their thunder-voiced God. If you can't remember that, then remember this; "The gun is good, Zardoz is bad."